I stayed up until about 3:30 this morning talking with Alison on the phone and then online and reading through old journal entries … It was nice to talk with her and get a lot out. …

We finally called it a night and I went to bed around 4, but she didn’t go to bed until after 5. I got up this morning and picked up right where I left off of reading through old entries and finally just gave up.

I must get ready to go to work – another wedding and then after that I’m off to winter formal at the NCO club. Sadly, I’m really not looking forward to going tonight, but I think that Ryan is thinking about joining me which could be fun. It’s driving me crazy thinking …

Went for a bikeride this morning with Ryan – up Lilac, turned around at the school and then back home. We got quite a bit of talking in today on the ride which was probably good and Ryan kept the mental pictures down until the end of the ride. We kept getting interrupted on the ride though – but most of them were wanted interruptions. One from Alana to tell me she was home and two from Aimee …

…

I worked on the airband packets for a little bit and then headed over to the theatre where I chatted with Aimee via SMS/email for about half an hour before I actually started talking with Michael (APIC came in late to view the hall). We talked about a lot of stuff in general – just trying to clean some management things up which is always good. I have some better understandings of what he wants and where he is coming from – what is expected of me, etc.

After that it was off to get the mail and then home for a bit (and to talk with pyro & promo) before going to dinner with Alana at TGI Friday’s. Meghann met up with us eventually and then we went off to see “Along Came Polly” at Tower Plaza. I know I’m going to get in trouble for mentioning the movie, but maybe I can go see it again … It actually was a good – and appropriate – movie, even though I wasn’t sure at first.

Then home to work on the marquee, etc. and talk to Alison for quite some time. …

Wow! Where do I even start? How can I make this my life on a daily basis? I spent most of the day with Aimee. I picked her up this morning, we grabbed some McDonald’s breakfast and then were supposed to start working on her cheer video project … We did accomplish some stuff – filtering down the cheer pictures that I took the other day and we went out to lunch with Ryan at Fuddruckers – Aimee had never been there before! I was contemplating Fudds after seeing it last night at the Galleria, and I still need to take her to Island Brothers – I haven’t been there in so long! I think that Aimee liked Fudds, we’ll have to see if she wants to go back sometime… (no… nothing deleted here!) After lunch we came back to the house and looked through more pictures. Actually, she was doing all the work …

After I took her back to her truck I went and got the mail and then just came home to not do too much in particular. I actually got to talk with Aimee quite a bit more – on her way home and then after she got home from dinner we talked for an hour or so, even though we weren’t doing much talking it was just nice to have her on the phone. We were talking online with Rande who says I’m whipped – I think only because he saw the away message that Aimee put up for me. “Hanging out with Aimee…nothing is more important!” She also left me with: “Aimee went home…time to sleep off my sadness!” and “I miss Aimee!” …

I’ve been trying to make good use of my new night & weekend minutes starting at 7 and talked to a couple people tonight. I talked with Ryan …

I also talked with Alison and Alana for a while tonight and then spent some time talking with Bouse and Rande online. I also talked briefly with Lauren, Batchelor and pyro. …

As Aimee put it so perfectly… I think it is now time for me to go sleep off my sadness because there is nothing left for me to say …

Alison gave me a tour of the campus today and after that we hung out in the dorms for a while before heading off to Albertson’s to buy enough drinks for the whole dorm! Then I started my trek back towards Fallbrook, making a stop for dinner with Bouse & Tina in Sherman Oaks at The Cheesecake Factory. It was good to see them again and we had some good conversation, but nothing too big. Then it was the race to get home … as for now I’m off to dream …

We left Fallbrook around 8:30 this morning – Alison was actually ready when I got there and waiting for me (ok…. I’ll admit it… I was late!) We had a good trip up I guess you could say. We got a little sidetracked around Laguna Hills (Krispy Kreme) and then again … Other than that and one other little incident the trip was pretty uneventful. You know how the 5 and the 99 split after you go through the grapevine? Yeah, well if you’re not really paying attention to the road (because you’re reading messages on your pager or something stupid like that – and your navigator is working on falling asleep on you) it’s actually quite easy to get on the wrong freeway. After a couple miles I started wondering why there were three lanes in each direction and then Alana called Alison and she asked where we were. I said I wasn’t sure and then we saw a Bakersfield sign. Well, Bakersfield isn’t off the 5 (which is the freeway we were supposed to be on!) All worked out in the end, we hopped on some 2-lane highway to get us back to the 5 and the rest of the trip was “boring.” It actually helped break up the (getting boring) trip up the 5 so it was “all good.”

Once we got to San Jose we unloaded the car, hung out in the dorms for a while and then it was off to dinner at Black Angus. I can’t remember the last time I was there – well it was back when we lived in Pasadena I think and I was with my mom at the one in Monrovia if I recall correctly. After dinner I tried to get myself lost (not really) getting to my hotel room in Freemont. They had free internet waiting for me so all is good – well, not everything – but then again the … so I guess that things are as good as they could be for right now.

It was kind of interesting seeing all of the silicon valley companies offices all over up here – this could be an interesting place to live. Tomorrow we’re going to take a tour of SJSU and then if time permits I’m going to try to head over to 1 Infinite Loop before heading home. I don’t know what’s going on with tomorrow – … – hence why I’m waiting for a phone call. I was supposed to …

…

I had a good talk with Alison on the way up about lots of stuff. … We talked about many issues – of course I can’t remember most of them now, but we talked about …

Short and sweet tonight so that I can go to bed and get some sleep. I’m just waiting for this DVD to burn and then I’m off. I’m kind of bummed about today because I would have had a chance to hang out …

I actually got some stuff done today, although I can’t think of what I did. I’m back down to 59 messages in my inbox, so I’ve been doing a good job keeping up. I spent three hours over at Jeff’s talking about the website and setting up email and such. I’m just waiting for him to send me the text so that I can start working on his page which I’m looking forward to doing – I just need the text to fill in the blanks! I got in trouble for going out to dinner again … I actually had a good time with Alison, Mandy and Patty at Oscar’s, Mervyn’s and then Target. We tried to go to Costco too, but they were closed. They even made me drive the Jeep so we’d get around faster! I don’t know how well that worked out, but it was actually nice to experience driving the Jeep. It was kind of weird driving a vehicle that “small” and it amazes me everytime I get into a different car at how different they all drive. I was thinking … especially when I was having the cinnamon breadsticks.

Alison and I are off to San Jose tomorrow morning. I think I’m going to drag her … I changed my Sprint plan to include nights and weekends at 7 now which should be nice, especially if I can spend more time talking … I am really starting to think that Nextel will be going by the wayside here in a month when my contract expires – Sprint said they were ready for me.

The dvd is almost done muxing, so I’m going to put an end to my blabbering about how much …

… Love never fails.

So I’m just lying here in bed trying to sleep as usual and I couldn’t help but think that God was giving me a glimpse of life. I had just finished watching a Joan of Arcadia episode … I remember thinking when I was watching it: “Is this something that I’m going to be saying to my wife twenty years from now?” I didn’t think too much more about it in the big picture here until i was trying to go to sleep and I realized that absolutely everything in the last couple weeks has had something that was severely connected to the situation with Aimee. Has God been trying to give me a weird glimpse into the future? Has he been showing me things so that I know what to do when I get into that situation? Or maybe I just didn’t pay as close of attention to things before a couple weeks ago.

Either way, something else came along with this realization. Ryan asked me last night if I was ready … Well, last night if I gave him an answer it was yes, but I wasn’t sure about it until right now. I can say without any second thoughts that yes, I’m ready to accept …

I wish I knew for sure what all this meant, but I guess that is the biggest question in life. I want so bad to be able to …

I want so bad just to talk with her. At this point I don’t even care if I’m there as a friend or more than a friend. All I know is I want to be there for her. I want to give her my life. I want to know what she’s thinking, what she’s feeling and all that jazz all the time. Being away from her is driving me crazy.

I want her to …

Another thing Ryan brought up which I guess I’ve thought about but never really brought up myself is that I don’t want …

We talked about so much last night and I was confused and thought about some things under new light or for the first time, but through it all – and more importantly after it all – it’s clear to me. … The more I think about it, the more I feel that this is what’s supposed to happen, that this is what’s right.

…
…
…

… Love never fails.

I was getting worried about today …

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking today, but unfortunately I can’t remember much of it. Obviously it was about the future. I guess there isn’t too much to say, I think it’s all been said so I’ll just sum it up – …

I did a wedding today at GT and then came home to do whatever it is that I’ve been doing for the past 5 hours. Basically email, talking on AIM and whatever else kind of popped up – oh yeah, and doing my favorite thing that I can do when I’m not near her – talking … I also talked to Alison a bit about plans for this week and checked in with my mom this evening. We got Lauren on AIM the other night at the Bob and showed her AIM Express. She’s online right now and we’re keeping each other entertained. I was going to watch a movie tonight, but I just don’t think I got around to doing it and at this point it probably won’t happen. I do still have an episode of Joan of Arcadia to finish so maybe I’ll do that as I go to sleep here in a couple minutes. I’m pretty tired and can’t think of much else to report, other than to babble on about how much I love Aimee and miss her and all that same stuff. God thank you for all you’ve done, Aimee I love you, good night, I hope you feel better in the morning.

Why couldn’t I have started ticketmaster? They just made $22.60 in convenience charges for me to get two $45 tickets! Oh yeah, and then they charge an order processing charge! Damn I wish I had been there to get in on that startup! Ticketmaster charges aside, I got the tickets uneventfully which was good. I was kind of going back on forth on this event, because the concert isn’t until April … this actually could be a really good thing because if things aren’t going well between us, this could be the event to pull us back together. No matter what … We’ll see how things end up going I guess, but the nervousness is killing me.

Off to a fun filled wedding for me!

I just got home from Friday’s after the show and my long talk with Ryan in the parking lot of the high school. He finally talked … Ryan and I talked about all sorts of stuff – it was another one of our good conversations that we need to have more often, but they just seem to pop up at the oddest places and times.

I’ve known that … All I want is for her to be happy. I wish that she could just forget about the rest of the world and decide between herself and herself what would make her the happiest. I don’t want her to make a decision because of me – what if I was to let her down? If things are meant to be, they will work themselves out eventually. … If not, maybe God’s entire purpose of these confusing 2 months was just to get me to go to Fullerton for school. Maybe we needed the truth to come out for something else that will happen down the road. Who knows?

We talked about plans for the future. About what I would do depending on how things turned out in a week. I wish that she and I could sit down and discuss the future like Ryan and I did tonight. We talked about engagements and weddings, school and careers, locations and more. I told him that one of the factors in my deciding to head the IT route was that it would allow me to pick up at a moments notice in order to relocate should my wife need to move for whatever reason. I didn’t want to get stuck into a location and make a situation down the line where the distance would be hard on our relationship.

I don’t know what she is going to decide to do here in a week, but I sure hope that she keeps the deadline. I think that if she doesn’t make a decision by the end of the month, I’ll have to make one for her … I know that I will always love her. Nothing that I can possibly consider could change that fact, I just can’t handle having her so torn up after this month is over.

…

I got to meet Sarah today. I don’t know if Batch has gotten up the courage to tell her the truth yet, but I hope he has so that he doesn’t get stuck in a position where I am down the line. I can’t honestly think of too much to report right now, but then again my brain is a little tired seeing that it’s 4:21 and I’m probably going to have a hard time actually going to sleep tonight. …

Here I am, sitting her on a Saturday morning with a very long and growing list of things that I’m supposed to be doing, and yet I just can’t get myself to do any of them. I once again found myself … What will my life be like in a week? It’s going to be an interesting week seeing that I also start Fullerton in a week. So many questions left unanswered – I have no clue what’s going on with school and more importantly I have no clue where … will be in a week and that is what’s driving me crazy.

It’s amazing. Everything I watch, anything someone says, it all means so much more to me these days. I remember watching all the same TV shows months ago and how they were just entertainment. Now everything, and I mean EVERYTHING has some meaning to me. If people are verbally fighting I sit there and think what I would do if I was in that position or what I could do to prevent me getting into a position like that. I don’t ever want to fight or even come close to it with her, although I guess I’d have to look forward to making up. I know that I would do everything in my power to not get us into a bad spot, but if we end up there I don’t know what I would do. I’ve already vowed to not go to sleep angry, but what else can I do besides love her? I guess there isn’t much. Maybe that’s what it all comes down to. Love.

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast,
It is not proud.
It is not rude,
it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil
but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects,
always trusts,
always hopes,
always perseveres.
Love never fails.

All I can do is give her my love.

I do swear…that I’ll always be there…
I’d give anything and everything and I will always care
Trouhg weakness and strength, happiness and sorrow,
For better for worse, I will love you
With every beat of my heart

From this moment…life has begun
From this moment…your are the one
Right beside you is where i belong
From this moment on
From this moment…i have been blessed
I live only for your happiness
And for your love i’d give my last breath
From this moment on

I give my hand to you with all my heart
Can’t wait to live my life with you can’t wait to start
You and i will never be apart
My dreams came true because of you

From this moment…as long as i live
I will love you…i promise you this
There is nothing…i wouldn’t give
From this moment on
Oh oh

You’re the reason i believe in love
And you’re the answer to my prayers from up above
All we need is just the two of us
My dreams…came true…because of you

From…this…moment as long as I live
I will love you, i promise you this
There is nothing i wouldn’t give
From this moment
I will love you as long as i live
From this moment on

…, I love you!

Today wasn’t too bad. Ryan and I went for a bikeride this morning – 14.3 miles! We went out Via del Robles to Gird, then up Live Oak Park Road and back the same way. It was a good ride and we really need to keep working on these rides so that I can get back into shape! I was having a hard time keeping up with him today – too much on my mind to actually put energy into riding. I also think I haven’t been loading up on the carbs as much lately and maybe that had something to do with it. I had a big spaghetti lunch today to make up though. I still think I need to play with his brakes again so that he will have to work harder.

Went to the Bob tonight for Best Foot Forward – everything went pretty smooth. I think Batchelor has it all under control now with running the videos from his laptop – man we had major DVD issues last night! Lauren came in to run spot for me so I basically sat in the booth most of the time and worked on getting through some old emails. I’m down to 101 messages in my inbox. (Before San Francisco I had less than 30 in my inbox.) Oh well, that’s life. Mike stopped by tonight because he thought that he had class, but then discovered that there was no class on Friday night so he just decided to hang out at the Bob with us which was cool. I don’t know how much fun it was for him, but it was nice to see him. We all went out to Chili’s tonight for dinner – quite a change from Friday’s – but we were there last night and will probably be back tomorrow night. Batchelor still is way behind on sleep – and now he’s blaming it on me because of what I said the other day in the comments on the blog. Sara is supposed to be coming down tomorrow so I’ll hopefully get a chance to meet her and maybe Batch can work some of his “issues” out. He’s actually been pretty fun lately with no sleep. He was dancing to all the songs in the booth tonight and just did stupid things at dinner tonight. Oh well, maybe it will stick with him. It was also nice to get a chance to hang out with Lauren tonight, even though she was on the phone the entire time with her sister (not really, just giving her a hard time). Ryan was … well… Ryan as usual. The mental pictures he conjures up just seem to keep getting worse. …

I got to talk with …