I feel like a total bum. I haven’t changed out of my pajamas and I haven’t taken a shower all day! I guess I seriously need more work to do! I enjoyed listening to the rain this morning and just hanging out around the house. I did some reading, caught up on some accounting, got pictures posted from last week, spent almost an hour on the phone with Apple to get a new MacBook Pro battery (one of my current ones is bulging), spent some time pondering how to best plan some Sunday School things for the year, looked at flights for later this month and did a few other things. In all, it was a pretty productive day, I just never really got started!
I watched License to Wed this evening. It was quite a good movie. I thought it was very well thought out and well scripted. I must also admit I like Mandy Moore, but that’s beside the point. (And I tend to love anything with Robin Williams.) Some of the things the Reverend did may have been a bit excessive, but I think couples should have to go through a lot of pre-marriage counseling and be forced to think some things through before they tie the knot. Maybe we actually do need an actual license to wed with it’s accompany tests with how many marriages that don’t last past the wedding. I couldn’t believe some of the conversations it appeared this couple had never had and yet they were approaching marriage. I couldn’t consider asking someone to marry me without knowing how many kids she wanted to have. I would further think you would know where your bride wants to get married early on as well. What do people talk about if they don’t talk about these things when they’ve been together for years already?
I was thinking of how hard communication is in our daily lives. We need to learn to communicate better. As we get more tools to do so, I think we only backtrack and end up actually communicating worse than we had before. We have multiple forms of instant communication that can separate enormous distances and yet sometimes we can’t figure out the most simple of problems. I know I have a problem many times communicating my sincere feelings and getting the point across at times. I don’t always like to be direct and I like to have fun with things, so sometimes it is hard to tell when I am being sarcastic, trying to be funny or downright serious about something. I don’t know how to improve that other than to be direct all the time, but it seems that has gotten really old really fast in the past.
I hope someday to find someone who I can really communicate well with in both directions and get to the point where we can tell what the other one is truly thinking regardless of what or how something is said. That has got to be the second biggest key to any successful relationship, the first being love of course. Heck, communication may be more important than love because if you can communicate well you can probably get along even if you don’t truly love the other person!
The other thing I was thinking about in the movie is how sometimes we just can’t see what is right in front of us. We get so wrapped up in thinking that our way is the only way or that our way is right that we don’t notice how someone else’s way may be a bit better than ours. We may not realize that the way we treat certain people or always turn to someone else may hurt the overall relationship.
And then there are vows. I always love it when people write their own vows, but I can’t begin to fathom how hard an undertaking like that must be. The little vows they have at the end of the movie are quite funny, little things such as not to cry with the cubs lose, not to drink from the carton, to not check out your hot sister… What the writers came up with (not trying to ruin the end of the obvious ending to the movie) was pretty good: “I promise to fight fair and always make up. I vow to trust you no matter how jealous I get. I promise to be out of the ordinary. I vow to tell you what I feel without waiting for you to ask. I promise to be the best dad to however many kids we have. I vow to never ever let you go again.”
Trust, Communication and Holding on. The only thing I see missing is love, but I guess it is implied! Maybe being quick to realize your fault and be sorry wouldn’t hurt too. Maybe there is no simple answer! I guess when you realize that you love someone and that someone may not be perfect, but that they would give the world for you, you may be on to something. I guess it is time to move on to something else.
On a somewhat similar subject, I finished The Wednesday Letters today. I pretty much read the book in two sittings: Monday on the plane and this afternoon. I was thinking that their weekly letters may have helped keep the communication line open and certainly left an interesting story for their kids to unravel. I won’t go into the forgiveness that they must have possessed because it may ruin the story, but it made me want to start that kind of a tradition or legacy to leave behind. How great would it be to have a letter from each week of life together? I would think that something like that must convey some extra sort of dedication to keep it up week after week. So many things get left behind, but dedication like that may give one – or a relationship – a bit of extra power to survive some of the tougher bumps along the road.
Of course I thought of Tara when reading a good portion of the book, and I don’t mean like between husband and wife. I agreed to write her and had been thinking about what kind of things I could write that would be meaningful and useful to her. It came to me through reading this book that sometimes the actual message isn’t the important part, but rather the conveyance of love and support is what is truly critical. I’ve definitely been thinking about her since she reported on Wednesday. As weird as this may sound, I think she is the first missionary I have known before he or she entered the field, or at least that I was close to. I’ve been thinking about what it must be like for her and what an amazing opportunity it must be to be so focused on serving. I hope I have that same opportunity sometime.