Tag Archives: feelings

He Said Son, Since 1952, I’ve Been

Sometimes the road up the mountain has some switch-backs in it and you end up back tracking in the process of making it to the top. The pursuit of happiness isn’t always happy.

I said some not so nice things tonight via text and twitter, but I am going to stand by them. I’ll probably get in more trouble for revealing some facts tonight that I would normally keep boxed up as well. Hopefully I’ll stand by that decision in the morning as well. I was uninvited to Disneyland tonight due to events from earlier this week. It was clear that Larilyn didn’t want to be anywhere near me and so I guess the event tonight became girls only. To be quite honest, I don’t agree with it, but I would have been ok with it if that had been the way I was told it. Instead, I was told flat out that I was uninvited. Eventually I was told it became a girls night out. The funniest part of the whole thing was that I was so tired tonight I wasn’t planning on going to begin with! I wasn’t trying to avoid anyone; I just knew when I fell asleep at the computer driving an hour to Disneyland wasn’t going to be in my best interest or that of those others on the road.

I’ve been trying to tell Maegan all week. For whatever reason she has been avoiding me, so I left her a voicemail tonight. It only took three attempts to try and get some of what I wanted to say into a 3 minute voicemail (or whatever her time limit is). It really needed to be at least a fifteen minute conversation and I hate that it wasn’t done in person or at least in realtime. On the bright side, it is off my plate now and I can stop worrying about what I’m going to say and instead just continue to wait. Maybe I will have ended up ruining three friendships tonight, but I’m going to be selfish tonight and be ok with that.

I know very well from past experience that bottling up my feelings and not sharing them doesn’t help the situation, so I’m going to try and be more open and make sure my intentions are understood by all as early on as possible. Maegan may still come back to set me straight and tell me to leave her alone, but at least I will know for sure at that point and I will be able to move forward instead of running in circles around this mess.

The rest of the day was pretty crazy. I was back out in the field today, again back at UCSD for a good portion of the day and Batch and I took care of a few other things on the way back. We had a late lunch at Buffalo Wild Wings, without Megan who is having way too much fun over in England right now I’m sure.

I met with a senior missionary from the Riverside California Mission this evening. It sounds like the Alta Murrieta Ward missionaries will be moving in most likely next Monday. I have a few reservations, but I think it will be good and I’m prepared to make a few sacrifices if necessary for a while to give them an appropriate place to live. If nothing else it should really help me be missionary minded and hopefully keep me out of trouble cause I don’t need any more of that right now.

And I think with that I have caused enough trouble for one night and I’m going to call it quits and head to bed. I’m going to try to make it to building cleanup tomorrow since I haven’t been there all month. I’ve selectively neglected it long enough, even if Cynthia won’t be there to guilt me into coming tomorrow.

The disapointed Idealist: Love is a big word.

So apparently I caused Lauren to think the other day (kind of scary you might argue):

The disapointed Idealist: Love is a big word.

I think I’d go with number two as well. It seems, at least from the surface more genuine and expresses a deeper love.

The problem is that people all express their love differently. Even the three words “I love you” mean totally different things in different contexts. I can say I love you as in I want to marry you, or just that I care for you and don’t want anything to happen to you and it is the same three words.