As if the Treo sound system wasn’t bad enough, someone has come up with the idea to power a lava lamp from the usb port on your computer!
Since when did our computers go from work tools to glorified power supplies?
Chad says that he is putting one on the TD desk at the Bob!
I would ask the question of what are they going to think up next, but I really don’t think that I want to know.
EDIT: They make a USB powered George Foreman grill! I give up!
You know things are bad when your cell phone needs its own sound system:
http://web.palm.com/products/Product.jhtml?id=370001&cat=20023
Even worse…
It supposedly only works with Sprint and Cingular Treo 650s!
There is only one problem with this video: IT’S IN WINDOWS MEDIA!!!!
I will also pass on this suggestion: DO NOT be drinking coffee or anything else when you visit. (At least not if you don’t feel like cleaning Cherry Coke out of your keyboard for years to come!)
I’ve done at least one of these… Any guesses Ussher?
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the Intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your Desk and label it “In.”
5. Put Decaf In the Coffee Maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their Caffeine Addictions, switch to Espresso.
6. In The Memo Field of all your Checks, write “For Sexual Favors.”
7. Finish all your sentences with “In Accordance With the Prophecy.”
8. Dont use any punctuation
9. As often as possible, Skip rather than Walk.
10. Ask people what Sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they
answer.
11. Specify at the Drive-through window, your order Is “To Go.”
12. Sing along at the Opera.
13. Go to a Poetry Recital and ask Why the Poems don’t rhyme.
14. Put Mosquito netting around your work area and play Tropical
sounds all day.
15. Five days In advance, tell your friends that you can’t attend
their Party because you’re “Not In The Mood.”
16. Have your Co-workers address you by your Wrestling name, Rock Hard.
17. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream “I Won!, I Won!”
18. When leaving the Zoo, start running towards the Parking Lot,
yelling “Run For Your Lives, They’re Loose!!”
19. Tell your children over dinner, “Due to the Economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.”
And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy
Level Of Insanity…….
20. Repost this if you would do any of these things
Jeremy: Friedrich Nietzsche? We can’t burn that! He’s one of the most important thinkers in 19th Century!
Elsa: Please! Nietzsche was a chauvinist pig who was in love with his sister.
Jeremy: He was not a chauvinist pig!
Elsa: But he was in love with his sister.
Brian Parks: Uh, excuse me, guys? Yeah, we got a whole section on tax laws down here we can burn.
Jack Hall: [on Sam failing calculus] I’m not angry. I’m disappointed.
Sam Hall: Do you wanna hear my side of it?
Jack Hall: Sam, how can there be two sides?
Sam Hall: Hey, look, I got every question right on the final and the only reason Mr. Spengler failed me was because I didn’t write out the solutions.
Jack Hall: Why not?
Sam Hall: I do them in my head.
Jack Hall: Did you tell him that?
Sam Hall: I did. He said he didn’t believe me. He said that if he couldn’t do them in my head then I must be cheating.
Jack Hall: Well, that’s ridiculous! How can he fail you for being smarter than he is?
Sam Hall: That’s what I said.
Jack Hall: [smirks] You did? How’d he take it?
Sam Hall: He flunked me, remember?
Sounds kind of like my high school economics class… 
The day finally arrived; Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the
Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed and
Forrest approaches the Gatekeeper. St. Peter says, “Well, Forrest, it’s
certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you,
though, that the place is filling up fast, and we’ve been administering an
entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass
it before you can get into Heaven.”
Forrest responds, “It shor is good to be here , St. Peter, sir. But nobody
ever tolt me about any entrance exam. Shor hope the test ain’t too hard;
life was a big enough test as it was.”
St. Peter goes on, “Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three
questions.
First: What two days of the week begin with the letter T?
Second: How many seconds are there in a year?
Third: What is God’s first name?”
Forrest leaves to think the questions over. He returns the next day and sees
St. Peter who waves him up and says, “Now that you have had a chance to
think the questions over, tell me your answers.”
Forrest says, “Well, the first one — which two days in the week begin with
the letter “T”? Shucks, that one’s easy. That’d be Today and Tomorrow.
The Saint’s eyes open wide and he exclaims, “Forrest, that’s not what I was
thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I didn’t specify, so I’ll
give you credit for that answer. How about the next one?” asks St. Peter.
“How many seconds in a year?”
“Now that one’s harder,” says Forrest, “but I thunk and thunk about that a
nod I guess the only answer can be twelve.”
Astounded, St . Peter says, “Twelve? Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven’s name
could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?”
Forrest says “Shucks, there’s gotta be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd,
March 2nd. . ”
“Hold it, ” interrupts St. Peter. “I see where you’re going with this, and I
see your point, though that wasn’t quite what I had in mind. But I’ll have
to give you credit for that one, too. Let’s go on with the third and final
question. Can you tell me God’s first name”?
“Sure” Forrest replied, “its Andy.”
“Andy?” exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St. Peter. “Ok, I can
understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but
just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name
of God?”
“Shucks, that was the easiest one of all,” Forrest replied. “I learnt it
from the song. . “ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM
HIS OWN. . . ”
St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates and said: “Run Forrest, run.”
Give me a sense of humor, Lord,
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some humor out of life, and pass it on to other folk . Because it
does not get any better than this -
A man takes the day off work and
decides to go out golfing.
He is on the second hole when he
notices a frog sitting next to
the green.
He thinks nothing of it and is
about to shoot when he
hears, Ribbit 9 Iron.”
The man looks around and doesn’t
see anyone. Again, he
hears, “Ribbit 9 Iron..” He looks
at the frog and decides to
prove the frog wrong, puts the
club away, and grabs a 9 iron.
Boom!
He hits it 10 inches from the
cup. He is shocked. He says
to the frog, “Wow that’s amazing.
You must be a lucky frog, eh?
The frog replies, “Ribbit Lucky frog.”
The man decides to take the frog
with him to the next hole.
“What do you think frog?” the
man asks. “Ribbit 3 wood.”
The guy takes out a 3 wood and,
Boom! Hole in one. The
man is befuddled and doesn’t know
what to say. By the end
of the day, the man golfed the
best game of golf in his life and
asks the frog, “OK where to next?”
The frog replies, “Ribbit Las Vegas.
” They go to Las Vegas
and the guy says, “OK frog, now
what?” The frog says, “Ribbit Roulette.” Upon
approaching the roulette table, The man
asks, “What do you think I should
bet?” The frog replies, “Ribbit
$3000, black 6.”
Now, this is a
million-to-one shot to win, but
after the golf game the man
figures what the heck.
Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table.
The man takes his winnings and
buys the best room in the
hotel. He sits the frog down and
says, “Frog, I don’t know how to repay you.
You’ve won me all this money and
I am forever grateful.”
The frog replies,
“Ribbit Kiss Me.”
He figures why not,
since after all the frog did for
him, he deserves it. With a
kiss, the frog turns into a
gorgeous 15-year-old girl. “And that,
your honor, is how the girl
ended up in my room. So help me God
or my name is not William Jefferson Clinton.”
This was written by an 83-year-old woman to her friend. *The last line says it all. *
Dear Bertha,
I’m reading more and dusting less. I’m sitting in the yard and admiring the view without fussing about the weeds in the garden. I’m spending more time with my family and friends and less time working.
Whenever possible, life should be a pattern of experiences to savor, not to endure. I’m trying to recognize these moments now and cherish them.
I’m not “saving” anything; we use our good china and crystal for every special event such as losing a pound, getting the sink unstopped, or the first Amaryllis blossom.
I wear my good blazer to the market. My theory is if I look prosperous, I can shell out $28.49 for one small bag of groceries. I’m not saving my good perfume for special parties, but wearing it for clerks in the hardware store and tellers at the bank.
“Someday” and “one of these days” are losing their grip on my vocabulary. If it’s worth seeing or hearing or doing, I want to see and hear and do it now.
I’m not sure what others would’ve done had they known they wouldn’t be here for the tomorrow that we all take for granted. I think they would have called family members and a few close friends. They might have called a few former friends to apologize and mend fences for past squabbles. I like to think they would have gone out for a Chinese dinner or for whatever their favorite food was.
I’m guessing; I’ll never know.
It’s those little things left undone that would make me angry if I knew my hours were limited. Angry because I hadn’t written certain letters that I intended to write one of these days. Angry and sorry that I didn’t tell my husband and parents often enough how much I truly love them. I’m trying very hard not to put off, hold back, or save anything that would add laughter and luster to our lives. And every morning when I open my eyes, tell myself that it is special.
Every day, every minute, every breath truly is a gift from God.
If you received this, it is because someone cares for you. If you’re too busy to take the few minutes that it takes right now to forward this, would it be the first time you didn’t do the little thing that would make a difference in your relationships? I can tell you it certainly won’t be the last.
Take a few minutes to send this to a few people you care about, just to let them know that you’re thinking of them.
“People say true friends must always hold hands, but true friends don’t need to hold hands because they know the other hand will always be there.”
Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance.
Everyone has a personality of a cartoon character. Have you ever asked
yourself what cartoon character do you most resemble? A group of
investigators got together and analyzed the personalities of well know
and modern cartoon characters. The information that was gathered was
made into this test:
Answer all the questions with what describes you best, add up all your
points (which are next to the answer that you choose) at the end and
look for your results. Do not cheat by looking at the end of the email
before you are done.
*******************************************************
Then forward this to all your friends and change the subject of this
message to what character is you.
1) Which one of the following describes the perfect date?
a) Candlelight dinner (4 pts.)
b) Fun/Theme Park (2 pts.)
c) Painting in the park (5 pts.)
d) Rock concert (1 pt.)
e) Going to the movies (3 pts.)
2) What is your favorite type of music?
a) Rock and Roll (2 pts.)
b) Alternative (1 pt.)
c) Soft Rock (4 pts.)
d) Country (5 pts.)
e) Pop (3 pts.)
3) What type of movies do you prefer?
a) Comedy (2 pts.)
b) Horror (1 pt.)
c) Musical (3 pts.)
d) Romance (4 pts.)
e) Documentary (5 pts.)
4) Which one of these occupations would you choose if you only could
choose one of these?
a) Waiter (4 pts.)
b) Professional Sports Player (5 pts.)
c) Teacher (3 pts.)
d) Police (2 pts.)
e) Cashier (1 pt.)
5) What do you do with your spare time?
a) Exercise (5 pts.)
b) Read (4 pts.)
c) Watch television (2 pts.)
d) Listen to music (1 pt.)
e) Sleep (3 pts.)
6) Which one of the following colors do you like best?
a) Yellow (1 pt.)
b) White (5 pts.)
c) Sky Blue (3 pts.)
d) Dark Blue (2 pts.)
e) Red (4 pts.)
7) What do you prefer to eat right now?
a) Snow (3 pts.)
b) Pizza (2 pts.)
c) Sushi (1 pt.)
d) Pasta (4 pts.)
e) Salad (5 pts.)
What is your favorite Holiday?
a) Halloween (1 pt.)
b) Christmas (3 pts.)
c) New Year (2 pts.)
d) Valentines Day (4 pts.)
e) Thanksgiving (5 pts.)
9) If you could go to one of these places which one would it be?
a) Paris (4 pts.)
b) Spain (5 pts.)
c) Las Vegas (1 pt.)
d) Hawaii (4 pts.)
e) Hollywood (3 pts.)
10) With which of the following would you prefer to spend time with?
a) Someone Smart (5 pts.)
b) Someone attractive (2 pts.)
c) Someone who likes to Party (1 pt.)
d) Someone who always has fun (3 pts.)
e) Someone very sentimental (4 pts.)
Now add up your points and find out the answer you have been waiting
for! Put your character in the subject line and forward to you friends
and back to the person that sent this to you. Very interesting to see
“who” your friends are!
(10-16 points) You are Garfield: You are very comfortable, easy going,
and you definitely know how to have fun but sometimes you take it to an
extreme. You always know what you are doing and you are always in
control of your life. Others may not see things as you do, but that
doesn’t mean that you always have to do what is right. Try to remember
your happy spirit may hurt you or others.
(18-26 points) You are Snoopy: You are fun, you are very cool and
popular. You always know what’s in and you never are out of style. You
are good at knowing how to satisfy everyone else. You have probably
disappeared for a few days more than once but you always come home with
the family values that you learned. Being married and having children
are important to you, but only after you have had your share of fun
times.
(22-28 points) You are Arnold: You have lots of friends and you are
also
popular, always willing to give advice and help out a person in need.
You are very optimistic and you always see the bright side of things.
Some good advice: try not to be too much of a dreamer, if not you will
have many conflicts with life.
(29-34 points) You are Sponge Bob Square Pants: You are the classic
person that everyone loves. You are the best friend that anyone could
ever have and never want to loose. You never cause harm to anyone and
they would never not understand your feelings. Life is a journey, it’s
funny and calm for the most part. Stay away from traitors and jealous
people, then you will be stress free.
(35-42 points) You are Charlie Brown: you are tender, you fall in love
quickly but you are also very serious about all relationships. You are
a
family person. You call your mom every Sunday. You have many friends
and
may occasionally forget a few Birthdays. Don’t let your passion confuse
you with reality.
(43-50 points) You are Dexter: You are smart and definitely a thinker.
Every situation is fronted with a plan. You have a brilliant mind. You
demonstrate very strong family principles. Maintain a stable routine
but
never ignore a bad situation when it comes.
From Riley…
NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a
woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark
naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the
back seat, “Mom! That lady isn’t wearing a seat belt!
HONESTY
My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he’d
dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the
garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom
and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming
little smile, “We better throw this one out too then,’cause it fell in the
toilet a few days ago.
KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar. During
her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer
the phone. “It’s the minister, Mommy,” the child said to her mother. Then
she added, “Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now. She’s
hitting the bottle.”
MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women’s locker
room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies
grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement
and then asked, “What’s the matter haven’t you ever seen a little boy
before?”
ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins,
I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. The various
appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs,
unfailingly intrigued her. One day I found her staring at a
pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the
inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, “The tooth
fairy will never believe this!”
DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her
dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, “Daddy, you shouldn’t wear that suit.”
“And why not, darling?” “You know that it always gives you a headache the
next morning.”
SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. “I’m just wasting
my time,” she said to her mother. “I can’t read, I can’t write and they
won’t let me talk!”
BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered
through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked
up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been
pressed in between the pages. “Mama, look what I found”, the boy called
out.” What have you got there, dear?” With astonishment in the young boy’s
voice, he answered, “I think it’s Adam’s underwear!”
LETTER FROM A FARM KID, NOW AT SAN DIEGO MARINE CORPS RECRUIT DEPOT.
Dear Ma and Pa:
I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the
Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to
join up quick before
maybe all of the places are filled. I was restless at first because
you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but am getting so I like
to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is
smooth your cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to
pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.
Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there’s warm water.
Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs,
bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried
eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you
can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food
plus yours holds you till noon when you get fed again.
It’s no wonder these city boys can’t walk much. We go on “route
marches”, which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden
us. If he thinks so, it’s not my place to tell him different. A
“route march” is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the
city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks. The
country is nice but awful flat. The sergeant is like a school
teacher. He nags a lot. The Capt. is like the school board. Majors
and colonels just ride around and frown. They don’t bother you none.
This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting
medals for shooting. I don’t know why. The bulls-eye is near as big
as a chipmunk head and
don’t move, and it ain’t shooting at you like the Higgett boys at
home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You
don’t even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes. Then we
have what they call hand-to hand combat training. You get to wrestle
with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break
real easy. It ain’t like fighting with that ole bull at home. I’m
about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over
in Silver Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as
me, but I’m only 5′6″ and 130 pounds, and he’s 6′8″ and weighs near
300 pounds dry.
Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other
fellers get onto this set up and come stampeding in.
Your loving daughter,
Gail.
promo776: AMEN!!!!
you are not a gentleman
If you don’t,
you are not a man
If you praise her,
she thinks you are lying
If you don’t,
you are good for nothing
If you agree to all her likes,
you are a wimp
If you don’t,
you are not understanding
If you visit her often,
she thinks you are boring
If you don’t,
she accuses you of double-crossing
If you are well dressed,
she says you are a playboy
If you don’t,
you are a dull boy
If you are jealous,
she says it’s bad
If you don’t,
she thinks you do not love her
If you attempt a romance,
she says you didn’t respect her
If you don’t,
she thinks you do not like her
If you are a minute late,
she complains it’s hard to wait
If she is late,
she says that’s a girl’s way
If you visit another man,
you’re not putting in “quality time”
If she is visited by another woman,
“oh it’s natural, we are girls”
If you kiss her once in a while,
she professes you are cold
If you kiss her often,
she yells that you are taking advantage
If you fail to help her in crossing the street,
you lack ethics
If you do,
she thinks it’s just one of men’s tactics for seduction
If you stare at another woman,
she accuses you of flirting
If she is stared by other men,
she says that they are just admiring
If you talk,
she wants you to listen
If you listen,
she wants you to talk
In short:
So simple, yet so complex
So weak, yet so powerful
So confusing, yet so desirable
So damning, yet so wonderful… ….WOMEN
A police officer pulled over a driver and informed him that because he was wearing his seat belt, he had just won $5,000 in a safety competition.
“What are you going to do with the prize money?” the officer asked.
The man responded, “I guess I’ll go to driving school and get my license.”
At that moment, his wife, who was seated next to him, chimed in, “Officer, don’t listen to him. He’s a smart ass when he’s drunk.”
This woke up the guy in the back seat, who, when he saw the cop, blurted out, “I knew we wouldn’t get far in this stolen car.”
At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a voice asked, “Are we over the border yet?”
sarahs__secret: the rain is cold
“The difference between ‘involvement’ and ‘commitment’ is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was ‘involved’ - the pig was ‘committed’.”
“If you are going through hell, keep going.”
- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
“Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.”
- Mel Brooks
“Three o’clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.”
- Jean-Paul Sartre (1905-1980)
“The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.”
- General George Patton (1885-1945)
“I’m not a member of any organized political party, I’m a Democrat!”
- Will Rogers (1879-1935)
“We don’t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.”
- Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962
“I worship the quicksand he walks in.”
- Art Buchwald
“There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.”
- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
“If you are going through hell, keep going.”
- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
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