I can’t remember the last time that I had so much time in the morning before church. We set our clocks back an hour today, so I got an extra hour of sleep kind of and then didn’t have any meetings before church. I spent some time working on church things and also was blessed to be able to spend some time just pondering. I felt impressed to review my patriarcharcal blessing this morning and spent some time reminiscing the trip to Punta Cana last year with Tara. I remember how excited I was and how we totally had the time of our lives there. I leave for Maui this week and I am not looking forward to it. I can’t believe that I’m going to go to Hawaii for my first time all alone. I’m sure I will still be able to enjoy myself somewhat, but there is just no way of it comparing to the week that Tara and I had last year.
I’ve found myself really missing Tara this week actually. I’ve been pondering on her a lot. I think Cynthia reminds me a lot of her. They have a similar physical appearance and share many great qualities. I’ve also been feeling guilty about not writing her since before general conference. I did send her the postcard not from Minneapolis, but that doesn’t count much. I was planning on sending her a gift a few weeks ago and haven’t done that yet either, so I’m getting myself down and frustrated with that. Hopefully I can call this week and schedule something for Friday morning. I did write to her this morning which was great. I need to do that more for myself than I think I do for her. There is just something about writing a letter – or even a card – that I can’t seem to capture any other way.
I hadn’t looked at those pictures from the DR for some time now and am so happy that I took the time to make the book. I really need to do that more often. It also made me think of all the great pictures of friends that I need to print and hang.
I cried today when Andrea spoke during fast and testimony meeting and am doing it again now. She said that she had lost friendships over this prop 8 thing, but that she had learned so much and her love for the Lord had grown because of it, at least in my paraphrased version. What a fight this has been. I still can’t get over that 9% of our population is causing so much turmoil for the other 91%. A heavy price has been paid for this – our freedoms – just as it has been done so many times before. Was the war in Heaven something like this? I don’t think I’ve lost any friends over this matter, but that just makes me think that I have been too coward to act. I’ve been too afraid to really stand up for what is needed and need to learn from her. She also shared that her two best friends were her mom and dad and that touched me so much.
I had been thinking this weekend about sharing my testimony. Much like Andrea, I had kind of secretly been wanting to be called up in the last few weeks when people have been called to the stand. I had been thinking about what to say and trying to come up with something to share that could help someone else. I’d even rehearsed things in my head, but when I got to church it was all gone and while I felt that I could get up, I didn’t feel the need to. Maybe I’ll have the opportunity soon. This week really has been very spiritual for me. I feel like I was on the right track a lot of the time and I learned so much. Maybe it was the lack of sleep that brought me closer to my Heavenly Father, maybe it is the election drawing near, I don’t know. What I do know, now especially more than I did before, is that Proposition 8 needs to be passed or this fight is only going to get worse. What I don’t know is what the agenda is from the other side. I discovered last night that all the married rights they say they are getting from being married versus a civil union don’t transfer to other states and aren’t acknowledged by the federal government. They won’t say that they want to teach this in school and many people say that they don’t want anything about marriage taught in schools. So what is their agenda? I don’t know. I know that we can’t let 9% of America take away the rights of the remaining 91%. I know that temple marriage is ordained of God. Families can be sealed there together forever, not just for their mortal time on this earth. If prop 8 fails, this right to marry in God’s temple could be challenged. I know that the gospel is true, that Jesus Christ did atone for our sins, that he does live and reign today. His church is run by His prophet on the earth today, Thomas S. Monson. President Monson is supported by his counselors in the first presidency and the twelve apostles of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. These men have spoken as the mouthpiece of the Lord that we need to do all we can to make sure this measure passes. We may not know what is to come if it doesn’t, but I can assure you that they are aware of the dark and dreary place that we will be in if we continue down the slippery slope we are already falling down.
I really wanted to watch the CES fireside tonight. I was ready for the spiritual uplifting from it and was ready to learn even though I knew we were supposed to cancel all activities until after the election. I was fine with watching it by myself and then doing a public performance later. Clearly, my thinking was wrong because for whatever reason I was called in to the Dowden’s for tech support before even leaving the stake center today. They were having problems with their wireless and I was stuck there the entire time supporting people in making calls and getting computers running to do so. I’m sure now that is where I needed to be today; I just had to conform my will to that of the Father’s.
I just turned off about an hour ago in branch prayer. Megan even asked me if I was about to fall asleep and I had to say yes. I am so exhausted. This fight is starting to take it’s toll on me in the final hours and I need to stay strong. I’m anxious to see what this week will bring and looking forward to hopefully being victorious on Tuesday. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen!